mi_ave_amarillo

 sometimes i miss him, but mostly i just think of how wonderful it will be when i don't.

there's no reason for me to be angry.  there were always reasons for me to hate.  
not him.  
i have nothing to fall back on.  it is strictly sadness, and i am trapped in its quicksand.  i'm still violently kicking and getting deeper and deeper.  if i could just find a way to keep calm, i'd float right out.  i think i'm at a middle ground right now, perhaps where i realize how stuck i am.

i'm still in love.  i'm not over this.  thank you for ignoring that, by the way.  (statement not directed toward any one particular you, but several.)

i'm glad i came home this weekend.  i could have stayed up all night long talking to joey and carson on my front porch.  i want to take them with me everywhere.  they're the first people in years that i have allowed to see what's really behind my light-hearted facade.  

i am not happy.
not even a little.
not right now.

 yeah, fuck everything.

next week my life really begins.

aubry moves in on the 25th, two days before the actual move in day for everyone, so i'm moving my things in that day, as well.  i am so excited about it.  it's all so bittersweet, the whole getting away from home thing.  i know it's something everyone deals with, but i'm sure we can all agree that it's a nerve wracking experience.  i'll move my things in, but i won't be staying there until the 27th.  alex might come help with the moving process, which would be very nice, but i can't expect him to since he has school that day.  hopefully momma c will let him come.  :]

aubry and i pretty much have all our bases covered, which is a great feeling.  i think we're very on top of it all.  i'm not really worried about anything.

i need to work next weekend, which is going to be a pain in the ass.  the following weekend, labor day weekend, is the last that i can work to keep up my thirty day agreement.  my cousin is getting married then so i'll be in florida and unable to work.  so next weekend is my only option.  i need to go to publix to tell them that, somebody convince me to go there so i can get it out of the way.

alex and i are doing very well!  yesterday was our one month mark.  i could not be happier.  we get along wonderfully, never argue, never get on each other's nerves.  we exist happily in our own little world.  i suppose me going to college may complicate things, but i'm honestly not worried.  it's nice to not have worries with him.  i always questioned everything with other people i dated, but i'm entirely confident in this one.  i honestly don't think there's anything that could really pose a problem between the two of us.  i guess this is always the way love sounds.  there's no way to make him seem any more important than the others i've loved, but i know he is.  i know he's right for me.  that's all i can really say. :]  i am so filled with love.

i need to have a plan for every day of this last week at home.

i'm ready for these changes.
for growing up.

i'm going to tell you the story of the BEST moment of my life.

we left for florida around nine o'clock friday morning.  i lied to kyle about when to be at my house, because he's awful at timing.  i told him to be here at eight, when i called at seven fourty-five he told me that his alarm hadn't gone off.  i faked an angry response and told him that he absolutely HAD to be at my house at eight thirty or we'd leave him.  sure enough, he showed up at eight thirty on the dot.  of course, we weren't planning on leaving then, but this is the only way to get kyle where you want him to be when you want him to be there.

sam felt terrible, and i didn't mean to take it lightly, but i did.  i wanted it to be a fun trip and i was bummed that she wasn't feeling good.  i still enjoyed her presence, and she felt better later in the trip.  we went to carrabba's friday night, which was so lovely.  my dad paid for everyone's dinner.  all, what?  ten of us? eleven?  who knows.  whatever kyle, sam, and i got was absolutely delicious.  my dad, who had been drinking, found it appropriate to yell at this group of twenty year-old girls that walked in, "OH HELL.  THE SPICE GIRLS HAVE ARRIVED."  i about peed my pants at that one.  after dinner we tried to find a place to get ice cream but just ended up at some grocery store.

saturday was katie's bridal shower.  sam and i had a couple of margaritas.  then we left, met back up with kyle who spent the day at hooter's with my dad.  we went to the beach for a while.  i sat on the blanket with all of our stuff while sam and i kyle fumbled around in the ocean.  i know it seems like it had to have been an awfully boring time for me, but i really quite enjoyed it.  i smoked an apple black and mild and observed.  there was a man sitting on a blanket near me with a buddy of his and his girlfriend.  he turned around when kyle and sam walked away, and said "aw, did they leave you?"  i said, "yeah, they don't like me," in a joking matter.  he responded with, "i can come over there and keep you company."  to this, i said, "it's okay, you don't have to."  he let it go with a smile and a, "i tried."  i sat there by myself, as he casually glanced back on numerous occasions.  when sam and kyle came back, and i was distracted by them, kyle watched him pointing at me and talking to his friend as they were standing up to leave.  he looked like he was going to come talk to me, but his friend said to him, "you're a loser, man, and she knows it."  we cracked up at that one.  then as we were leaving the beach, walking towards the parking lot, this guy looks at sam and said, "oh, wait, HOLD on," and snaps a picture of her.  so awkward.  both men from this story were easily pushing thirty.

went back to the house, spent time with the family, then we cracked into our vodka.  enough said. ;]  we had an... interesting evening.

we left at about noon yesterday morning, to drive home.  said our goodbyes, even to sam since she was staying an extra day.  we were going to, but it turns out that everyone knew a reason why we couldn't but no one filled me in on it.  we had a nice ride home, it didn't take too long.  we pulled in my driveway a little before six.  joey told us to meet him at the bowling alley at 7.  i quickly got ready, put on an outfit and was oddly told to change.  kyle was convinced that my tech t-shirt was not good enough for the bowling alley.  this confused me, but i just took it as kyle's attempt at constructive criticism.  i stopped at the store to buy cigarettes.  the whole way there i was talking about how excited i was that it was only one day until alex came.  at the bowling alley, joey and jordyn direct me into a spot, give me hugs.  then we walk inside.  as we walk through the doors, joey says something about inviting his friend hunter and that he was going to go find him, or something.  so, joey, jordyn, and kyle, they're all facing me...which is also the direction of the door, and i'm facing them.. in towards the bowling alley.  then out of nowhere, someone comes up behind me and says, "i'm your huckleberry," gives me a kiss on the cheek, and a dozen yellow roses.  i turn around, and there he is... alex lary.  A DAY EARLIER THAN I EXPECTED.  he then knelt down with a box, opens it, and there's a little piece of paper inside.  i uncrumple it with my shaking hands, and it says, "will you..."  of course i ask, "will i what?" and he says, "be my girlfriend?"  and i threw my arms around him and exclaimed that i would.  i couldn't not believe that the person i have been waiting for for the last two months was just... there, in front of me.  he's even more perfect than i had imagined.  so handsome, so charming...  he's just wonderful.

after the HUGE freak out we had, we bowled.  alex tried to help me, but i'm just super bad.  so, he brought over that ball ramp thing that you just set the ball on and let it fall and it goes it's own way.  he went up there with me every time to get it just right.  i ended up getting like a 38.  haha.

then i brought him home to momma.  she loved him, red sox hat and all.  she said to me once i took both kyle and alex home, "this is the first boyfriend you've had that i've liked."  the best part of that?  she only saw him for a few minutes while we quickly grabbed kyle's stuff to have him home before midnight.  there's a lot more to like about him that she hasn't discovered yet.  :D  i can't wait for my dad to meet him.

he's working today, at softspace, with joey and jordyn.  he's going to call when he's done with work and i'm going to snatch him and take him to publix.  i have to check my schedule, but i also just kind of want to show him off.  i told him he was my trophy wife.

one hundred percent honesty here: i have never been happier.

this might not sound the way it does in my head.

i told him honestly, "don't worry about talking to me this week, you have a lot to do, a lot of people to spend time with, i don't need to be on the list of priorities for the week.  i understand entirely."  i meant it with everything in me, which is so strange for me, solely because i'm generally very selfish when it comes to things like that.  i want to be a part of someone's life even when it's hard for me to be, but i told him (and actually meant) that he didn't need to be concerned with talking to me.  honestly, he shouldn't.  he's preparing for a huge move, trying to make time for his last few days of work, for packing, for his friends, for his family.  if he didn't talk to me at all this week, i would not be upset in the slightest.  what's so strange is that when i said it, there wasn't even the slightest bit of hesitation.  this is someone i want to actually make happy.  it's what i want to do.  i didn't say that to be nice or because i felt the need to make him happy, but because i really meant it and i said it selflessly because he means that much to me.

after me saying that, however, he immediately responded with, "you are on my list of priorities; you're number one.  i will talk to you every day."  i believe him.  no hesitation, just immediately poured out of his mouth, nearly cutting me off.

i'm sure that made very little to no sense, but i tried to explain it.

i've found someone, in a more mature state of my life, who i really want to make happy without compromising my own lifestyle to do so and i'm not having to at all.  making him happy is making me equally as happy.

if you understand me, awesome.  if not, i don't blame you.

the next week:
today:  work 2:30 - 9:30.
tuesday:  work 4-10.
wednesday:  lunch with kyle and ari, then movie date with my mom and joey.
thursday:  pack, probably finishing touches on alex's room.
friday, saturday, sunday:  florida with the family +kyle.
monday:  alex arrives.

help me stay really busy every day so it can go by fast. 

his room is on it's way to being complete.  the bed comes tomorrow.  my painting is finished other than a couple of touch-up coats.  the floors have been vacuumed.  the wood has been cleaned.  the furniture has been arranged in our desired fashion.  it actually looks like a room now, instead of a massive art project.  joey and i are feeling very proud of our hard work.  when we finished today's tasks in the room, we went shopping and bought a funnel cake kit, simply for the fun we will have with jordyn (when she returns) and alex (when he begins his life here with us).  we also watched tombstone with my mom and dad tonight, which will absolutely never get old.  good day today, just joey and i.  quality time!  we're both anxious, and we keep each other occupied.  we both wish jordyn wasn't away, and we both are unbearably excited about alex.  so, we help each other make the time go faster.

i've spent time with sam, which fills a hole that had been inside of me for months.  she's my absolute best friend in the entire world.  no matter how long we're apart or what it is that separates us, we still just snap back into place.  there are perks to having a cousin who is also your best friend, like how we're both going to florida this weekend for our cousin katie's bridal shower.  it's safe to say that we're going to have an awesome time.  we're kidnapping kyle and bringing him with us, too. :]

WE CAN DO IT REAL BIG, BIGGER THAN YOU EVER DONE IT.

i am such an immature piece of shit sometimes.  i could have easily lost my job tonight, perhaps worse.  note to self:  don't mess with people who could pull knives out on you.  daisy, michelle, and i are lucky.  he's cool enough about it to let it go.  i still feel so bad, but so fortunate that the situation didn't end up worse than it already was.  i know i can laugh my ass off about it in a couple years, but right now i'm still on edge and i'm probably going to have more trouble sleeping than i already have had.

i'm not quitting now.  i talked to my manager about quitting, but pointed out that i really didn't want to.  i do like my job, and the people.  i've made some great friends in that building, and i'm not really ready to let it go.  my manager, debra, told me she didn't want me to leave either and that we would figure it out.  so we came to this conclusion:  we're going to put in a time away from work form saying that i will be gone from july 31st until further notice.  what i will do, in order to stay on the payroll, is work once every thirty days.  all i have to do is call a week in advance, say i'll be home and to give me a couple hours on a friday night or saturday.  she said if i was going to be busy that weekend, all i would have to do is work something as short as an hour and a half shift.  i think it will all work well, and i'm excited about it.  everyone i've told at work is pleased with the decision as well, so i feel like i've made the right choice.  now all i have to do is sit down with debra and get it all organized.

to a particularly lovely lady:
i understand that i am not the easiest person to get to settle down and do something with, but it does not mean that i don't care.  i wish you understood that i care very much about you.  i understand your frustration, but i wish you focused more on the good than the bad.  i thoroughly enjoy all the time we spend time together, and i'm thankful for the time i get to see you.  you focus more on the time you don't see me than the time you do.  i don't want you to be angry with me, but i can't blame you for it.  i'm sorry.

i tell you what, i am the master of making mistakes.
i guess you learn from them, though.

less than two weeks now.  then my heart can sing!

last summer i was almost never home, not because i didn't want to be, but because i was always out finding various ways to entertain myself.  i'm home a lot these days.  there's nothing wrong with it, really, because i love being home, but i feel like i'm missing out on some things.  i'm working, and i have been quite a bit.  i spend 50% of my time working, 30% at home, 15% painting alex's room, and only 5% doing all of the things i did last summer.  i'm just as happy as i was last summer, but i can feel my personality shifting away from the free-spirited person i was a year ago.

i miss my sam so very much.  she called me today, and we reminisced about last fourth of july.  we cuddled on our horribly uncomfortable pull-out couch, and smuggled a gatorade bottle full of random liquor out in the back yard.  we'd sneaky smoke, and listen to city and colour.  i miss it.  we had so much fun simply existing with each other.  she spent her night driving from a volleyball competition in miami to her grandparents' house.  i spent my night watching fireworks at the maury county park.  don't get me wrong, i had so much fun tonight with my friends.  it's just a completely different situation than last year, and i wish sam could be as big of a part of my life as she was.  it's neither of our faults.  between our work and her volleyball schedules, we just never get a chance to see each other.

i haven't talked to alex much lately.  i'm not really all that bothered by it, though, because i know he's been spending time with his friends.  he only has fifteen days left with them, so i am entirely understanding.  i do miss talking with him every night, though.  i know joey does, too.   i just hope he's still just as excited to move here.  joey and i cannot wait. :]

i've been having trouble sleeping lately, not too sure why.

work tomorrow.  quitting at the end of the month.

the first sentence in my actual journal reads, "this is where the story of alex lary begins, and i hope it is a never ending one."

i am so happy.

this doesn't just happen to people. how is this happening to me? 
my heart is swelling. even if the circumstances were different, even if he was always going to be a thousand miles away from me, i would still feel this. oh, but how lucky i am. in twenty-five days, i will feel complete. i won't feel anything but eternal gratefulness. this is so over my head, but i love it.

i haven't felt this way since i met keith. i was unbelievably head over heals, and i wanted nothing but to make it a long-lasting relationship. everyone after him i cared about, i liked a lot, but i wasn't satisfied. i never went into it with the intention of making it go somewhere. alex, on the other hand, is the first person in four years who has genuinely swept me off my feet. i want to keep him, always.
what's perfect is that these feelings are undeniably mutual.

i feel so lucky.

who does this happen to? who meets someone through a friend, someone who lives a thousand miles away and instantly connects with you. one simple phone call, and we've talked every day.

i cannot wait for his arrival. i will feel whole.

this is all... perfect.

 ENOUGHHH.

i haven't had sex in an entire year as of today.
i had to document this, i apologize.



oh, and a word of advice... don't like boys who have girlfriends.
.... in case that situation comes up in your future.

a psuedo-rant from the yearbook room...

i'm almost not looking forward to prom anymore.  it's just become such an ordeal.  last year, prom was everything it should have been.  the night itself was perfect.  of course, the things that occurred didn't quite leave me the happiest person later, but right then... everything was wonderful.  i was so happy, i enjoyed myself, it was the best night of my life thus far.  it deserves that title.

we've had so many issues involving prom.  partially because of the whole dinner fiasco which is both ridiculous and not ridiculous at the same time.  kyle and i still don't know where we're going, who our group consists of, or anything of that nature.  i love the idea of going with my best friend, so i'm sure i'll have a great time but i'm just feeling so skeptical towards prom at this point.  i was excited about the fact that sam would be going with tim, but that got completely shot down.  i'm so disappointed in him.  i've done so much for him, and i ask him one favor.  he agrees to it, then backs out.  i've never gotten mad at him.  i can handle his taryn bullshit, but when my cousin gets tossed around in the middle of it, i'm not okay with it.  

shannon, jordyn, and i went to see against me! the tuesday night.  it was my fifth time seeing them, and it was still just as great as the first time.  it's always worth my money.  saw caitlin for a bit, which was nice.  i don't get to see her too often.  jordyn and i were outside having a smoke between one of the opening bands and against me! and shannon exclaimed "casey ryan!" out of nowhere.  we spent pretty much the rest of the night with him, then went with him to a taco place to meet up with ross.  ended up coming home around 1, but it was completely worth it to see people we don't get to see all that often.

yesterday morning the three of us plus amanda skipped school and met at target to hop in jordyn's car and go to cookeville.  we walked around tech all day.  saw joe, bo, chris, and holly.  i really enjoyed the time the four of us spent together.  i forgot how much i enjoy being around amanda, and i loved that she came.  going to tech yesterday really made me want to be in college already.

we went over to shannon's when we got back to columbia, minus amanda, plus kelcy and kyle.  shannon, jordyn, and i were exhausted, so we weren't exactly in the best moods toward every situation.  cake was delcious, though.

have to wake up at around 4:30 tomorrow morning.  leaving for chicago.  stopping at austin peay first.

i'm both excited and not excited at the same time.  my mood isn't at its finest.

i'm sitting in the yearbook room with karli.  the yearbook is finished so there's not much to do in here other than play tumblebugs or go to the snack machine about every fifteen minutes and eat for the entire hour and a half.

this year is really wrapping up...
spring break is over.  (on a side note, europe was incredible.)
about five weeks of school left.
got my cap and gown a couple days ago.
voted on graduation song and flower.
the composite is up in the hallway as of yesterday.
my dad turns fifty on monday.
against me! concert and english paper due on tuesday.
shannon turns eighteen on wednesday.
chris turns nineteen on thursday.
band trip to chicago on friday.
i turn eighteen on may eighth.
the last band concert is may fifteenth.
prom is may sixteenth.
graduation is may twenty-sixth.
i'm writing my senior will.
my senior yearbook is completely finished, meaning my job is editor is done, and was passed down to ari.

i'm happy that i'm almost done with this school.


the discussion we had in homeroom... you're very right.  i have moments where i absolutely hate you, but for some reason it doesn't last for more than a couple minutes.  if you were anyone else, i would have stopped talking to you years ago.  how is it possible that i still really enjoy your company?

it's entirely too late, or early, however you want to look at the glass that's either half empty or half full.

i leave for europe on tuesday.  i have every intention of making this trip the best experience of my life thus far, and although there is something that could potentially hinder it, i will not let it bother me.  i want to be carefree.
[i only ever want to be your friend, and i want to enjoy you, but you won't allow me to because nothing is ever good enough for you.  how do you always know exactly how to get under my skin?  you never fail to infuriate me.  do you try to?]

i had a very lovely visit to cookeville last week or so, and i know that tech is where i belong.  i also had a change of heart about what i wanted to do with my life while i was there.  i met with dr. russ witcher, a journalism professor, who is also the yearbook adviser, and he rekindled my love for journalism.  i plan to major in communications - public relations.  i couldn't be more excited about this fall.  aubry and i are starting to think of things we need to buy.  our dorm is going to be badass.

going through old messages is not a good idea for anyone, in case this is news.   myspace tells you how many new messages you have now, and it said (8) so i went fishing for the eight messages i hadn't read.  when i was sifting, i found old messages from previous friends and love interests, and it made me feel ridiculous.  there were so many signs right from the beginning that these people weren't good for me, but i ignored them.  bad idea.  i really regret some things.

i'm receiving affection these days, and god does it feel good.  first time in nearly a year that someone has kissed me and touched me like they really care.  he's young, but he's wonderful.

i plan to take an enormous amount of pictures during sb oh nine, so when i return from europe, expect to see them. :]

this afternoon, i left mock trial a little early to get my bangs cut.  they look good, out of my face.  anyway, my hair lady didn't charge me for it.  i insisted but she pulled the whole "it's just bangs, it's on me.  don't worry about it." card.  i left pretty content.  i gave her a couple dollars, though, as a tip, at least.  she's the only person i trust with my hair; everyone else i've gone to has screwed it up.

on my way home, i got stuck in traffic for no reason.  when i got to the point where the traffic cleared, i expected to see an accident or at least some glass on the road.  nothing.  haha.  it wasn't for too long, though.  only about twenty or thirty minutes.  i was on the phone with cory for at least half of that time, so it wasn't so bad.

when i finally made it to baker, i noticed some black blob off in the distance in someone's yard.  as i got closer, i noticed it was a goat, and a couple of them at that.  apparently they had gotten loose.  one of them was on it's hind legs up against a tree.  i had to have looked like a moron, laughing hysterically by myself driving home.  i literally laughed the whole rest of the way home.

LOST is on tonight.  i'm stoked.

as twisted as it seems, a boy that will take the time to light my cigarettes for me, and wipe the ashes off my coat, is just the greatest thing i've ever experienced.  they're such simple things, but they really mean a lot to me for some reason.  it's a terrible habit, i'm aware, but for someone to not give me hell about it is wonderful.  i'll quit when i want to, but for now i'm fine with my lifestyle, and he's the first person that has really accepted that.  he's so genuine, too.  there's absolutely nothing about him that seems even slightly fishy to me.
we work together tomorrow for a couple hours.  that'll make tomorrow a good day no matter what else occurs.

shannon and i spent time together, and i think things are headed back to normal.  we talked a lot last night.  i've missed her a lot.  she came with me to sam's today.  samantha lilly bought rockband for her wii, and it was so much fun.  shanny only stayed for a little while, but tess, sam, and i played pretty much all night.  it was an incredible amount of fun.

you know, i think you often forget about all the things i've done for you, and the things i continue to do for you.  it really is quite hurtful when you say anything that could even remotely infer that i'm not a good friend to you.  i don't understand how you can be unappreciative, but i suppose it's just in your nature to expect things out of people and then act as if they've done nothing for you.

i do wish that i could have seen you once more before you were leaving, but you'll be gone tomorrow, and i don't know when i'll see you again.  i really wanted to give you that painting.  i'm horrible at phone communication, i apologize.  just come find me, and i'll be happy to see you.

i want to have time to start reading again.  i feel like i'm missing a huge piece of my life when i don't have the free time to catch up on reading.  i have a couple new books that i'm just dying to dive into.

i have to get up at 7:30.  i should probably stop writing.

i am very happily sitting at my kitchen table, writing this on my new laptop.  i'm in the process of getting all of my music to this computer, which is roughly taking a decade to figure out, but it's cool.  i just ordered the coolest vinyl cover i've ever seen from urban outfitters.
my mother had a mouse pad made with a picture of bailey and i all over it.  it's absolutely adorable.

i worked last night.  we closed at 7, and because charities don't accept food donations on christmas day, all the left over baked goods went home with all of us that closed.  devin and i skipped around the bakery with our carts and filled them to the brim.  it was hysterical.  i couldn't have been a happier camper, coming home with lots of food and poinsettas for my mommy dearest. :]  thank you, publix, for giving me your leftovers. 

i'd just like to mention that i absolutely love my job.  i love nearly everyone i work with, and bagging groceries really just becomes a mindless thing, and it's relatively enjoyable.  oh, man, and have i met some lovely people!

that's just a quick little update.  i'll write more sometime soon.

i realized that everything in my life right now suits me very well.

i work at publix now, and i'm happy with it.  they're a bit strict, but the people i work with make me very happy.  by a bit strict, i mean my manger's one hell of a bitch.  i'm thinking it's probably because she's new, and she's trying to get us to respect her.  however, it's a bit much.  i think we've all been yelled at individually least five or six times in the past couple weeks.   but, hey, i'm making money and i'm very happy with that.

school is just like always.  yearbook could use some inspiration, everyone seems to be entirely too relaxed this year.  no one's putting their all into it, not even me.  i have an 100 in there, which shocks me.  if this were last year, i'd be chillin' in the 80s.  ms. pruett is not nearly as hard on us as she once was.  but as long as she's happy with us all, then i'm happy.  i would, however, like my senior book to be fantastic, but there are people on staff preventing that from happening.  anatomy is cool, we just finished dissecting cats.  little oozie got trashed the other day.  band is boring as shit, not like that's anything knew.  i have all 98s and that one 100.  so, i'd say senioritis hasn't quite hit yet.  anyway, things are normal, but in a good way.

i've pretty much been living at sam's, since it's so close to work.  the only reason i'm not there right now is because my dad threw a fit about me never being home, which he's very right about.

i went to go visit an old.. friend.. the other night.  after that, i realized how much happier i am without that pessimistic attitude infecting my life.  you'd think if you hadn't seen someone in months that you used to spend every day with for years, you'd give a damn that they came solely to see you.  if he thinks i came just to sit around a fire and hear some music, he's mistaken.  i went to spend some time with him, because, you know, you'd think after everything we'd at least be able to be friends.  clearly we can't do that.

jess and i went to go see kevin devine play tonight.  manchester orchestra was headlining, but we didn't stay for that.  we hugged kevin, asked him to play us a song, which he didn't get to play but he did stick in "when you realize it's a pattern and not a phase, it's what you've become and it's what you will stay" at the end of his last song.  it was beautiful.  we were such giddy little girls.  it felt like we were six and meeting the spice girls.  it was ridiculous, but it made me oh so very happy.

first holiday season i've spent alone in a very long time.

but i'm a very happy camper.

marching season is over, which is a very strange thought.  it's always been "well, there's always next year."   i really enjoyed it, though.  however, i can assure you that i am not looking forward to concert band at all.  today was the first day of the concert band fiasco, and let me just tell you that mr. jack's music choices are slowly dwindling downward.  i was not impressed with his choices, but then again my favorite pieces have always been ones that i was skeptical about at first.  so i may change my mind about this.  sitting thirteenth chair isn't my cup of tea, but with the difficulty level of the pieces he's given us thus far, i really didn't deserve first part, so i'm more okay with it now.  a page covered in 32nd notes.. for second part.. all i could think was "is this a joke?" 

homecoming was friday night, which was an awkward situation but i enjoyed it nonetheless.  my escorts were total bamfs, thank you to tim saye and shawn powell for being the best escorts ever.  i'll post a picture or two here and there when i get them.   mrs. thompson showed me some that she took, and they were pretty cute.  it was cool, having three band girls on the court, one the queen.  congrats for shannon for being a sex pot queen.  it was fun, but i'm glad it's over.  mrs. napier was not the easiest person to work with throughout all of it.

i got a job at publix.  i'll be working with zack, which i'm sure will be fantastic even if i hate the job itself.  i have orientation this weekend, then i start training next monday, then the money starts rolling in.  which i will probably spend on a bunch of nonsense.  i can't wait to have my own money for a change.

speaking of change... tomorrow is election day.  (cough, cough) elect barack obama.  that is all i have to say about that.

i'm giving blood tomorrow, then i'm spending the night cooped up indoors with my mother filling out scholarship junk.

ah, growing up.  it feels nice.

my grades are really good so far, which i'm proud of considering how busy i've been.  my GPA is going up, i couldn't be happier about that.  ACT scores should be posted on the 12th, i'm counting down the days.  it could have gone either way.  regardless, i've gotten into the schools i applied to, and i'm eligible for a few honors scholarships, so my 24 is a-okay with me.  i'm shooting for a 26, cross those fingers for me!

things are going really well, i've just been very very busy and very tired.  now that marching season is over, my body goes into "okay, it's cool if you get sick now" mode... and i can feel the sickness coming on.  let's just hope i don't have the stomach flu again when i go to the tech symposium like i did last year.

twilight comes out in eighteen days!

anyway, this was just a little update from malerieland.